"The Art of Dealing with People: Mastering the Skills for Successful Relationships"

 In this discussion, we will explore a fascinating book titled "The Art of Dealing with People" by Les Giblin. This book is designed to assist individuals in achieving their goals in life and teaches them valuable skills such as managing their ego, engaging in effective conversation, and making people feel appreciated.

After personally reading this book, I can attest to the fact that by following the principles outlined in its pages, one can become proficient in the art of interpersonal communication and relationship building.

Thinking creatively about human relations

The pursuit of success and happiness is a shared desire among individuals, with both of these aspirations rooted in our relationships with others. By understanding how to interact with people in a positive and effective manner, we can make significant strides in both our personal and professional lives, achieving an 85% advantage in any endeavor and a 99% boost in overall happiness.

Human relations is a science dedicated to managing relationships with others in a way that avoids conflicts between our own ego and those of others. Genuine success and satisfaction stem from positive relationships with people.

However, over 90% of people struggle with achieving success due to a lack of understanding of the art of dealing with people. The happiest and most successful individuals are those who have mastered the skill of effective interpersonal communication.

Attempting to force people to like us or understand their wants without mastering the art of dealing with people is an exercise in futility. Success in interpersonal relationships is no different than success in any other field, relying on the mastery of specific principles, even though each person is unique.

Influencing people is a form of art rather than a trick. The purpose of authoring this book was to understand human nature and the reasons for their actions. Mastering the art of dealing with people is a proven strategy for achieving our desired outcomes in life.

Understanding the Human Ego

Arrogance is typically viewed as a negative attribute due to its association with inappropriate behavior, but if we consider its positive aspects, it can inspire individuals to act like heroes or accomplish great deeds.

Edward Bok, an editor and humanitarian, proposes that the ego is a powerful driving force within every human being, and those who harness and channel this energy are capable of achieving greatness.

It is essential to acknowledge and respect each person's individuality and uniqueness. People should not be treated like machines since everyone has the ability and strength to defend their self-respect from any potential threats or adversaries.

There are four crucial insights that we must internalize and apply to our lives:

1. We all have an inherent ego, which drives our behavior and shapes our interactions with others.
2. While we may be deeply invested in our own lives and concerns, we tend to be less interested in the affairs of others.
3. Each individual we encounter craves a sense of uniqueness and desires to feel valued and appreciated.
4. Seeking the approval of others is a fundamental human need, as it validates our own sense of self-worth and helps us feel more secure in our own identities.

The Importance of Making Others Feel Important

We all possess a vast fortune in terms of our relationships with others, yet we often fail to recognize this valuable asset. We possess the ability to uplift and empower others, but we frequently overlook this potential. We must realize the significance of this wealth and maximize its use since it is infinite and boundless.

To cultivate positive and productive connections with others, we must prioritize the individuals with whom we interact. By giving attention and showing interest in others, we can build strong and meaningful relationships that can withstand the test of time.

Les Giblin outlines several common causes of dissatisfaction among people in this chapter, including:

1. Not giving credit for suggestions
2. Failing to resolve complaints
3. Inability to encourage others
4. Speaking negatively about people in front of others
5. Neglecting to ask for suggestions
6. Failing to convince people about their potential for growth
7. Offering favors in a way that makes people feel uncomfortable or indebted.

Les lists four ways to make others feel important:

1. Believe that everyone is important to make them feel good.
2. Pay attention to people and show them the importance of building good relationships.
3. Show appreciation instead of competing with others to leave a positive impression.
4. Don't argue to prove your importance, it's not worth it. Choose your battles wisely.

Controlling the actions and attitudes of others

We use power to control others, but we do not know that we are using this power and doing it against ourselves. Every person tries to influence or control others actions, we should adopt the same attitude which we want to see in others.

1. Watch your movements

2. The way we shake hands 

3. Improve the tone of your voice 

4. Use the magic power of your smile 

Key Heading of The Art of Dealing with People

Make a good impression

the way we approach others, the words we use, and the atmosphere we create can greatly impact the outcome of our interactions. It's important to consider our intentions and goals before beginning a conversation and tailor the tone and topic accordingly. Our own self-perception also plays a role in how others perceive us, so it's important to have a positive view of ourselves. When trying to sell something, creating a positive mood through small affirmations and questions can increase the likelihood of a positive outcome.

Attracting people with Triple-A

There are some people in our life or we know some people who make people their friends or attract customers in a very natural way. These people use the Triple-A formula.

1. Acceptance 

2. Approval 

3. Appreciation 

Find ways to let people know how important they are to you:

• Don't make people wait.
• If there's someone you can't meet right away, tell them you'll see them soon.
• Learn to thank people.
• Make people feel special.

We should also implement the Triple-A formula to attract people.

Learn to communicate effectively

Successful people know how to use words effectively. Communication is essential for happiness and success, and many people struggle to express themselves. Starting a conversation with small talk is a great way to break the ice. We should ask questions about the other person and let them talk about themselves.

People love to talk about themselves, and we should turn the conversation towards them instead of talking about ourselves too much. We should also avoid negative or complaining language and instead focus on positive and happy things. It's important to know how to control the urge to tease or taunt others, as it can hurt their self-esteem. Successful communication requires us to be thoughtful and considerate of others.

Hear

Here are some ways to learn the art of listening:

1. Be present: When listening to someone, make sure to be present and give them your full attention. Avoid distractions and give them your undivided attention.
2. Don't interrupt: Interrupting someone while they are speaking is disrespectful and shows that you are not interested in what they have to say. Let the person finish their thoughts before responding.
3. Show interest: Show interest in what the person is saying by asking questions and giving feedback. This will show them that you are engaged and interested in their thoughts and ideas.
4. Empathize: Try to see things from the other person's perspective and understand their feelings and emotions. This will help you to connect with them on a deeper level and build a stronger relationship.
5. Be patient: Sometimes people take longer to express their thoughts or feelings. Be patient and let them take their time. Rushing them will only create a negative impact on your relationship with them.
6. Practice active listening: Active listening involves giving verbal and nonverbal cues that you are paying attention and understand what the other person is saying. This can include nodding, making eye contact, and summarizing what the person has said to ensure that you have understood them correctly.
7. Avoid distractions: When listening to someone, avoid checking your phone or other distractions that could take away from the conversation. This shows that you value the person and their thoughts and are fully present in the moment.

Persuading people

To persuade someone, we need to follow some effective ways:

1. Listen to their point of view: Before trying to persuade someone, listen to their point of view. When they feel that they are being heard, they are more likely to listen to our point of view.
2. Find common ground: Find common ground between your point of view and the other person's point of view. It will make them feel that they are not being attacked, and you are not just trying to prove yourself right.
3. Use stories or analogies: Use stories or analogies to explain your point of view. People are more likely to remember a story than a logical argument.
4. Use positive language: Use positive language instead of negative language. For example, instead of saying "That's a bad idea," say "I think we can improve upon that idea."
5. Be respectful: Be respectful and polite, even if you disagree with their point of view. People are more likely to listen to someone who is respectful and polite.
6. Show empathy: Show empathy towards their point of view. It will make them feel understood, and they are more likely to listen to our point of view.
7. Provide evidence: Provide evidence to support your point of view. It will make your argument more convincing.

Remember, the goal is not to win the argument, but to persuade the other person to see things from your point of view.

To praise

Compliments provide a kind of energy. Appreciation gives us new energy and new life. The happiness that comes from praise is not an illusion or imagination but a strength.

Do a Small Miracle Every Day

Some rules for saying thank you:

1. Thank you should be genuine, say it as if you are saying it from the heart, make it special.

2. Say thank you openly, don't look like you are ashamed to say thank you.

3. Thank people by name, if there are many people in the group, thank them one by one by name.

4. Thank people by looking at them, if they are worth thanking then they will also be worth looking at.

5. Work on thanking people, find things you can thank people for.

6. Say thank you to people when they don't expect it at all. Your thanks go out so much when people don't expect them at all or don't feel they deserve them.

7. No person is perfect, but there is definitely some goodness in everyone. If someone irritates you, then find those things about which you can praise him.

Criticize people without offending them

The biggest reason for the failure of human relationships is that they increase their sense of importance by reducing the self-esteem of the other. Whenever we tell others that I am telling this for your good, we are not really doing so, but are promoting our ego by finding flaws in them.

The real art of feedback is not in defeating others but in uplifting them. Not in hurting them but in helping them to do better.

The essential qualities of successful feedback are as follows:

1. Specific: Feedback should be specific and focused on particular behavior or actions rather than generalizations.
2. Timely: Feedback should be given as soon as possible after the behavior or action to which it refers, to ensure that it is relevant and fresh in the person's mind.
3. Constructive: Feedback should be delivered in a constructive manner, with the intention of helping the person improve, rather than criticizing or putting them down.
4. Relevant: Feedback should be relevant to the person's goals and objectives, and should help them achieve these goals.
5. Balanced: Feedback should be balanced, providing both positive and negative feedback to help the person understand what they are doing well and what they need to improve.
6. Consistent: Feedback should be consistent with previous feedback given to the person, and should not be contradictory or confusing.
7. Actionable: Feedback should be actionable, meaning that the person should be able to take specific steps to improve based on the feedback given.

We can enhance all our relationships in life and create stronger connections with people by adhering to these 11 rules.